Ghosting

He seems to be into you.

Y’all are texting and talking. Even meeting up once or twice.

It all seems to go so well…

And then boom, he’s gone. Not responding to your messages, or possibly even he’s blocked you. And you’re left wondering what the hell happened?

I’ve been ghosted so many times. It’s never been a nice feeling. So often, I’ve blamed myself that I said or did something wrong without knowing what that thing was.

Here’s the thing though, if you feel like you have to chase after him or you’re more into him than he is into you, chances are he won’t want you around but isn’t able to express it.

There’s also something called cyberpsychology that comes into play here. People find it easier to show their shadow self anonymously, it’s not necessarily pretending something you’re not but showing a side of themselves that they can’t in their daily life. They get spooked, all on their own, and decide to disappear. Know that this is not your fault. However, there are things you can do in yourself to stop taking it personally if it happens. I’ve personally used these to heal the patterns of ghosting in my life. 

How to stop the pattern repeating itself?

You have to know your value, first and foremost. What value do you bring to the guy? He needs to want to be around you without you having to beg for it. If he feels like you are a lot of work, he won’t want to do the work for or with you.

Be confident in who you are. Men love confident women. When you are confident in yourself, you carry yourself differently. It exudes from within you. You stand in your feminine power by knowing who you are and being confident with yourself.

Have an “IDGAF” (I don’t give a fuck) attitude. This is probably one of the most important aspects. Men can sniff if you are desperate, looking for attention, or chasing after them. By having this attitude, you are telling him that he doesn’t have to be around you, it’s his privilege if he chooses to do so, however you are not phased either way. Your life will go on, with or without him.

When you combine the three elements, however, you will become irresistible to him. You are a woman of value to him because you feed into his masculinity, you are confident in yourself, and your life is not determined whether or not he stays in it.

Following my own advice, I have not been ghosted since. I’ve needed to be extra vigilant to myself, and show authentically to him not only what his presence does to me but also when I get triggered. I don’t blame him for my fears/triggers, but I can choose to tell him if I genuinely am afraid he’ll stop talking to me out of the blue because of my past, but also that I am working on this fear. It was in the past, and I choose to let it go.