What is your Soul calling out to do?

I took a week off from writing. This was a conscious decision because I felt like I needed some distance. And you know what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. This blog, this side of the work that I do, is such a Soul Aligned thing that I need to always ensure I’m in alignment before I do anything else. I literally cannot force this, even if I tried. Onto the main topic…

When your Soul is calling out to do something. How do you respond to the call?

Here’s the thing, you can wait until the end of time till you think you have it all figured out at some stage which you won’t because you’re constantly learning and ebbing and flowing. Or you can just take that calling, and ask for Universe to support you.

I only work with the best of the best. That is my expectation. I am continuously aligning myself with Coaches, Mentors, Leaders who have unpopular opinion. Who go through the unbeaten track. And I prefer it that way; I can coach you through your pain unlike any other coach because I am teaching myself how to sit with the pain.

That guy you’re still hung up on? You don’t have to let him go.

The ex you want back? You don’t have to move on.

When you have a desire in your body, it is there for a purpose.

When all odds are against you, when everyone around you says you have to move on (or whatever else) and you are repulsed by that thought — trust it.

See the purpose of hiring a Coach, is to transmute and transform your life. We hold that container for you so that you can become the best version of yourself, in that moment, that you can be. But we can only do so much.

You can have all the tools, all the processes, all the courses, all of the shiny things you want… but it won’t mean a damn thing if you’re unwilling to do the work. You’re wasting not just your money but your time as well, if you invest in a Coach but don’t integrate the teachings into your daily life.

He triggers your rejection/abandonment complex because you are ready to sit with them. It’s time you shed some light on it. You are ready to deal with that pain.

I promise you, you deserve the love from yourself that you crave from him.

Transformation is hardly ever rainbows and unicorns. Your success in the desired outcome is directly proportionate to how uncomfortable you are willing to be, and how much effort you are willing to put in to your learning.

And when there’s a certain person who acts as a catalyst, be it a guy or a Coach or anyone at all — Universe is checking in if your human self is willing to do the work your Soul is calling for you to do.

You always have that choice. Which one do you choose?

Regardless, Feminine Confidence means taking back your power by making a choice and strongly standing behind that. Do not back down. Fear is inevitable, but suffering isn’t. Suffering only occurs when you have (emotional) attachment to the pain.

You don’t get to back down and out of your decision, that’s not authentic confidence. As many times as you fall, you get back up and try again.

If you choose to be supported in this part of your journey, I am all here for you. I will guide you and coach you. I will be your biggest cheerleader. I will hold that space for you to love you for you.

Reflections

Hello June!

I meant to write and publish this yesterday but after my 8 hour appointment on a hairdresser’s chair and seeing a friend, I didn’t have the energy to finish this. You can also expect some minor changes on here in the next week. Anyways, moving on…

 

Isn’t it crazy how 6 months have gone by in the blink of an eye? That’s why you have to start working on your dreams now. 6 months from now you wish you had started. A lot can happen in half a year. 

It’s also important to review your life periodically. Where were you 6 months ago? What has worked? What hasn’t? Where were you energetically? What lessons have you learned?

 

This is about get very personal as I reflect on the last months. 

 

6 months ago, I was being coached by an NLP practitioner. She helped me migrate love and support into my life, that started the journey of people showing up in my life from this new energy. I wrote pages and pages and pages of what I desire out of my life; of what my ideal relationship looks like. I record this visualization and listen to it almost nightly for a few weeks. I really saw it happening in real time, I really felt it. Lo and behold this man that I’d been visualizing, appeared into my life. Out of the blue. Every single characteristic I had written down, he has. 

Only I didn’t account for one: the type of relationship he was in/looking for. I just assumed Universe would know. But as I always say, assumption is mother of all fuck ups, this one was no different. 

I told him I’d be in his neck of the woods in February, if he’s interested in seeing me. He was! And he was even willing to travel to come see me! Ah. My heart was over-joyous. 

 

My life is a movie. 
It was a gloomy day in Boston as it was raining cats and dogs. My colleague had made other plans so I asked myself what experience do I want? Looking around on map, I decided I’d go and have The Cheesecake Factory experience. Despite it being a little further away, I’d walk there. 

While I was having my dinner, we had a conversation on how he’s in an open relationship. Enter the water works. I freaked out, I was triggered. My past experiences played a whole lot into the reaction, and honestly I didn’t know how to deal with this piece of news.

I didn’t have the tools nor the support at the time to even fathom what was happening.

So, it was just comical for me to be at The Cheesecake Factory, crying over this man, and ordering the biggest piece of cheesecake I have ever had in my entire life. I felt sick afterward. Of the food, of the news, of the emotions. And I walked back to my hotel in the rain, crying to myself how I ended up in this situation again.

 

That transpired everything for me.

 

But before I continue, let’s go back a little..
In August 2018, I’d met a man who was emotionally available, to certain degree. He was a manifestation in his own right. He got me to open up about an element of my life, for the first time in my entire life, I felt safe. I felt safe being with a man on a deeper level. And after I’d finished sharing my story, he did something that surprised me altogether, he asked me “How does it feel sharing that?” Rather than giving his own opinion or view, he checked in on me. Followed by a statement of “Every time you share that, it gets easier.” He was right. It has gotten easier.

We decided to meet at a beach one afternoon to go to arcade and have some fun. That it was, and before then, I don’t remember laughing as hard as I did. It was refreshing. He opened up about a situation in his life, a scare he had, and all I kept thinking that this is not happening, I can’t tell my story, it’s too painful to share it. So, again, he opened the safe space to share a part of me that I’d never even dream of sharing with a man… but it happened so authentically. The emotions were real and raw.

He healed my belief that there actually are nice, genuine men out there by him being so incredibly present with me, by not judging me, and above all, by taking the responsibility of his actions. Until then, this was foreign for me.

 

When this other man of a manifestation of my visualizations, and him saying he’s in an open relationship, I felt triggered because it felt like a rejection to me.

I pushed past it and spent an incredible day with him. It was a date as if we were in the Bachelor. It was beyond my wildest dreams. He spent the night over at my hotel. As he was leaving, I heard myself say “I’m afraid after all of this, you’ll just leave and ghost me,” to which he responded, “I ain’t like that. That’s something you’ll never have to worry about.”

He healed my belief of being ghosted. It was those little words of exchange, when I was courageous enough in saying them out loud, that I’ve not been afraid of that happening ever since.

 

But that’s not all… he’s been the biggest catalyst so far this year, because he’s transpired everything I ever knew about relationships.

After coming back from the States, I invested in a relationship coach who has very unique view of relationships and she said it’s not over between us. She’s helped me navigate through this relationship, with her help I’ve been given the tools to navigate open relating, whether you call it polyamory, polygamy, polygyny, monogam-ish, swinging, or open relating.

 

Then there came another man into my life. He’s touched the deepest part of my subconscious, and I’ve needed to work through some of the most painful rejection and abandonment trauma from my childhood. I’m still in the midst of it, so I won’t go into detail.

He’s helped me heal the rejection and abandonment trauma.

 

I’ve worked with 4 different coaches in the span of 6 months.

I’ve gained clarity on my businesses, that I am both Artist Coach and Love Coach.

I’ve learned to come from a place of value and confidence.

I know how worthy I am.

I finally know I am a Goddess Divine (only took about 11 years).

I’ve found my local circle where I can share my thoughts on relationships, and finally feel I am part of a community here.

 

Little did I know 6 months ago of the amazing men, and the relationships, I’d encounter. I couldn’t have designed any of this. I’m literally living my wildest dreams. I’ve learned so much over the last half a year, everything just seems to be accelerated for me, and I’m holding on for dear life all the while having fun!

 

I’ve been blessed with the toolkit of knowing how to deal with my triggers as they arise. Never blaming anyone for my reaction; they can’t help how a certain situation is making me feel.

 

You cannot put me in any one category or label, because I’m constantly evolving and progressing. Who I was 6 months ago, 3 months ago, 1 month ago, 1 week ago, even yesterday… is not the person who I am today. Yes, at the core of it, I am still me.

I value openness, honesty, open communication, respect, loyalty. That’ll never change.

I am a Queen.

I am motivated by pleasure and desire.

But how I view the world, keeps evolving the more information I am given. The more knowledge I acquire. And I continue to stay curious. I continue learning about neuroscience, metaphysics, laws of alchemy. I am dedicated to growth.

Next six months will be an even wilder ride. How do I know? Because I’m clearing out some blockages that are preventing me from reaching next level. My expectation is to bring my desired life into reality. It’s my non-negotiable.

 

What has been your biggest takeaway from last 6 months? What are you most looking forward to in the next 6 months?

Edging – What is it and how can it help you manifest?

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

In the world of kink, edgeplay is dangerous and abusive. It is defined as play that can cause extreme harm, ie. gunplay, fireplay, breath play, blood play. Or it can mean to play with an edge; a sharp object such as a knife.

You’ll be relieved to know that’s not what I mean.

 

The Edging Technique, or sometimes called peaking or surfing, involves attending to your level of arousal, and developing your ability to know when you are getting close to orgasm. As you feel yourself approaching the climax, you tone down stimulation or stop touching yourself and practice riding the edge, staying under the threshold of orgasm.

It is useful for exploring, understanding your pleasure points, and experimenting what it feels like to ride that edge. It can be both effective and pleasurable to prolong the arousal and building the sensation toward a more intense orgasm.

 

Edging is a powerful tool when wanting to manifest a desired outcome.

Sexual energy is creation energy, which in turn is manifestation power. All of your pleasure centers in your body and brain are most expansive, divine and unattached whilst feeling pleasurable.

So, masturbating is in fact, a very powerful practice when wanting to create your desired life. Before you start, take out your journal and write your desires. Be as specific as possible.

 

Create the intention beforehand. Then begin to self-pleasure. When you’re almost there, stay there on a scale of 1-10 get to around 7-8. Go from around a 7 back to a 2–3. Create a pause, not so long that you’ll be turned off but long enough to lessen the intensity. Do this for two or three rounds.

The magic happens when you lose yourself in sensation, as you visualize and use your afformations, and see, feel, experience your desired reality coming to life.

When you can’t edge any longer, it’s time to allow yourself to orgasm. This is where you allow the divine take over and fully let go. Enjoy the tingly sensations from within, trust your desires are on their way to you now.

 

This has been my personal practice for a little while now, and let me tell you, it works. You’re not just telling yourself what you desire to believe in or manifest into your reality, you’re feeling into your desires. That in itself is magnetic.

They don’t teach you this, especially not in porn. And this is also what I meant, when I said porn has ruined intimacy. It’s not fully porn’s fault, however a lot of things has played into it to the point of where we can’t even be intimate with ourselves. And if we can’t be intimate within us, how can we ever become intimate with another person?

While masturbating, it’s extremely important to let go of any judgments, guilt, and shame. No one else is doing that to you, except you. Let that shit go. No one will even know what you’ve done, unless you tell another person. Being sexual is nothing to be ashamed of, getting to know your body and what makes you tick, is only a good thing. Start slowly. Start gently. If at first you don’t succeed, try again (pardon the Aaliyah pun).

As a matter of fact, you can start healing those negative beliefs around sex in your first tries. Start afforming how much you love yourself, you love your body, how much of a divine being you are.

Start by loving yourself first, and watch how the external world around you changes.

 

The stigma around sexual health

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

 

All of us are responsible for what we digest; the food, the information, the music, overall health. Digestion isn’t just food, it’s everything we observe and absorb from our surroundings. We are always 100% energetic match to what we experience in the external world, positive or negative.

What we experience outside of us is always a direct link to what is going on in our internal world. When there is a physical pain in the body, be it common cold or a knee injury, there is a metaphysical reasoning that is the root cause of this pain. Something within us is not in alignment, therefore the pain is triggered.

 

Let me demonstrate by an example from my personal life.

A few years ago my teeth caused continuous pain. If you’ve ever had any toothache, you know the kind of pain that I’m talking about; it’s all encompassing, it takes over your entire body and you can no longer function as a normal human being. Over 6 month period, I spent quite a lot of my time on the dentist’s chair. I’m still afraid of dentists but when they’re calm, I am more relaxed. Teeth issues are deeply rooted, it goes way beyond the surface. Louise Hay says that the root cause of it is long standing indecisiveness; inability to break down ideas for analysis and decision. Wisdom tooth problems means not giving mental space to create a firm foundation.

When I look at that time of my life, I can recognize that was actually the issue. I felt stagnant but unable to move forward with my life. I was under a lot of stress, mostly because of the work environment I was in. But I was petrified to move from there to the next job.

So, there’s always a metaphysical root cause behind each ailment you go through. Now this is not to say that you can always heal it by just saying your affirmations, though it is possible when you have deep inner knowing and belief it to be true. Most of the time, however, it’s not enough. What this means, is start working on that issue that gives you the pain while taking concrete action to alleviate it, ie. by going to the dentist.

The more advanced I am in healing myself, the quicker I recognize why the pain occurs and start working on the metaphysical reasoning behind the pain. I’ve healed myself so many times from tonsillitis before it became a problem by learning to speak my truth.

 

Why am I talking about this, what’s the connection to sexual health?

STD’s and STI’s work much the same way. We are responsible to look after our sexual health by making sure we take heed on our reproductive system, we care for it and attend to it much the same way we look after our bodies. And if you’re not treating your body like a temple, start working on it now. Sexually transmitted diseases & infections love to feed on fear, shame and guilt.

Repressed sexuality has an impact on infections and diseases. If you feel ashamed about your body/being, and you know the man who is interested in you wants to have sexual intercourse with you but you wonder if you should proceed to go all the way. You keep thinking and analyzing if he’s the right person to even have sex with, chances are the more you fear of the event or not being accepted, the more likely you will get some form of infection.

 

We create our own reality.

What you are most afraid of, on a subconscious level, will eventually happen. That’s law of attraction. That’s alchemy of the universe. The opposite is also true; when you focus on what you desire, you get to experience the desired outcome.

When you feel ashamed that something is wrong with you and must be hidden away from the public, or you have the feeling he is withholding love from you somehow, this is the internal/energetic root cause for the disease.

On a deeper level you are telling yourself “If he knew this about me, he wouldn’t love me anymore.” which will cause the disease/infection. The dis-ease is just the effect – the external manifested reflection of the shame.

 

By adopting a practice of no more secrets, you are already healing your reproductive system. The true healing secret for shame is bringing your whole being out of the shadows and into the light; by accepting and loving all of that you are. That’s the energetic path to healing these dis-eases. That’ll bring you back home to ease. When you accept yourself, unconditionally, you bring your frequency to love.

 

Intimacy Issues

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

In my previous post, I shared some thoughts on how porn has ruined intimacy. Sex and intimacy are often confused; intimacy isn’t the same as sex. Though they should go hand-in-hand, in today’s society and culture sex is often ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’ or ‘Netflix and chill’ (ugh, I’m cringing even writing that). These days, people don’t generally take the time out to get intimate with another person.

 

So then, what is intimacy exactly?

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as;
1: the state of being intimate: familiarity
2: something of a personal or private nature

 

I quite like that definition because that’s exactly what it is. Intimacy isn’t just sex, though sex becomes even greater when intimacy is involved. It’s connecting with another person on a deeper level. It’s that sense of privacy between two people that needs to be protected because it is sacred for the people involved. No other relationship will be the same, we’re not necessarily even meant to share that. Not even in poly and open relationships, part of the reason why monogamy isn’t our natural way of being as humans, is because we crave that deeper sense of connection in various ways. No one person can give you all that you need.

 

Non-sexual intimacy is..

  • sharing personal experiences during conversations
  • spending quality time together, ie. cooking, cleaning
  • listening to each other with compassion and understanding
  • conversations about the individual’s passions and what they’re working towards
  • being attentive and remembering the things that has been said
  • reminders and reassurance of why they’re special
  • napping together
  • light massages or rubbing feet
  • annoying each other
  • laughing together
  • playing with hair, tugging it and rubbing the hands through the hair
  • a little slap on the ass
  • a surprise hug and kissing the neck from the behind when doing something
  • kisses on the forehead
  • words of encouragement

 

These are only a few things that shows intimacy. In a culture where we do not invest in another person anymore, we seem to only be interested in sexual intercourse, it’s very challenging to establish an intimate relationship. Intimacy takes time, it takes patience. It’s for the long-haul, and even when you’re in a committed relationship, it takes work and effort to stay intimate with your partner(s).

It’s also scary to be intimate with another person, especially after traumatic past experiences. You are sharing yourself in the most vulnerable way to another person. Saying things like men are all douchebags feeds that belief, and when you believe that internally, you will not only keep attracting douchey men but also keep yourself away from becoming vulnerable and intimate with him.

 

How can intimacy be established?

Knowledge.
Sharing personal information. Feeling the safety to share dreams, desires, fears, past experiences, traumas, goals. This is gradual process that takes time in deepening the conversations.

Vulnerability.
Being courageous enough in being vulnerable with the other person. It’s not just the deep, intellectual conversations but showing emotions as they arise. Being honest when something is bothering you without putting any blame onto them. Asking for help / assistance when you’re not able to cope on your own.

Interdependence.
Recognizing the importance of the emotional bond you share while maintaining a solid sense of self within the dynamic. Valuing yourself in a way that allows you and your partner to be yourselves without the need to compromise who you are or your values system.

Care.
Showing concern for each other’s wellbeing, comforting in times of distress, safekeeping from harm are ways to show you care for them. Communicating with compassion and understanding. Displaying physical affection.

Responsiveness.
Being responsive to each other’s needs. Recognizing, understanding and supporting one another in times of pain and gain. Meeting the needs culminates in feeling loved and appreciated.

Trust.
This is one of the main caterpillars of any relationship to work; if there’s no sense of trust, it won’t go very far. It’s that confidence you place in the other person to act in a way of honor and fairness that won’t cause purposeful harm.

Commitment.
To keep evolving as individuals, and as partners within the relationship, you have to be committed to growth. Personal growth is hugely important, and commitment to another person will be triggering. Managing the triggers without putting blame on the other person is vital.

Commitment to him also allows common knowledge to be shared for never to make any assumptions, no matter how you think you may know him. Remaining vulnerable in sharing emotions and feelings with one another. Valuing your sense of self to be interdependent while still having the emotional bond with your partner. Showing care for each other and being responsive to the other person’s needs. Deepening the trust you each have for the other.

 

So you see, hook up culture does not encourage intimacy, quite the opposite. Having sex and being intimate are two different things, though they feed into each other. The real question is, are you ready to be intimate? To what extent do you want to share the most vulnerable sides of yourself? Highly valuable man will be magnetized to you when you show vulnerability. Going against your past patterning is challenging at first. Thinking how can I trust this man when my past experiences have been traumatic, only takes away your charm. There will be a man who deserves that sense of trust. Maybe he already is in your life, you just have to transmute that energy into the desired outcome.

 

What do you think intimacy is? How do you express non-sexual intimacy?

Lessons from a nearly dead woman

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

I don’t like to share too intimately about my personal life, and I’ve drawn clear boundaries in what I do and don’t share publicly. This said, I’ll share something private about my life because it is for a greater purpose. While the journey in itself is unique, I know I am not alone in the feelings that I experienced. My intention is for you to draw strength, courage, hope and inspiration from this if you’ve been through challenging times. Please also note, I’m not blaming anyone in particular, and I do take responsibility of my own actions/thoughts.

Mid-May/The end of May is a little tougher time of the year for me. Coincidentally, it is mental health month. This time last year I was extremely shattered, broken into pieces and didn’t know a way out. There was a person who had built me up, but he’d also tore me down.

At that time though, my self-esteem was at an all time low. I latched onto anything and anyone who gave me any bit of attention. I gave him my consent to play around.. and it was fun while it lasted. Till it broke me apart.

But you see, when your self-esteem, sense of security, and confidence is built on an external source — it’s flaky. Meaning, when that is gone out of your life, your confidence is diminished.

Sometimes we can only rebuild when we’ve wiped everything away.

—  Dean Powell

It took me to nearly die to restore everything. My trauma is a double-edged sword; it’s a painful reminder but it’s brought me the biggest blessing. It gave me a second chance in life. It’s been two years since it happened, almost to the exact date.

When it happened, I went through immense amount of physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Yet, at the same time I had this deep knowing it was supposed to happen, that this was part of my journey in this lifetime. I knew that I’d share that story one day, when I’m stronger and less emotional around it. That’s what my book will be about, so I won’t go into details what exactly happened.

I thought I’d dealt with it over the following 12 months, the pain had subsided, and I’d slowly start finding rhythm of life… till the first anniversary came around. My brain turned against me, I had some dark thoughts I’d never thought in my entire life.

If I climbed up on that tree, over that little pond, I wonder if anyone would notice me there? I wonder how long I could go without eating or moving before dying? Thoughts like that were a common recurrence.

This time last year, I was busier than ever with getting my certificate for Lifecoaching, I was working full-time and had other things going at once. Honestly, I am grateful I had all that going on for me, it didn’t leave much time for my thoughts.

I learned self-compassion is a thing that should be at the top of everyone’s priority list. Being selfish isn’t a negative thing, it’s self-care. How are you able to look after anyone else, if your own oxygen mask isn’t on? You’re absolutely no use to anyone if you’re dead.

I learned to slow down, and take away the excess. To only focus on mandatory daily tasks such as breathing, waking up, eating, going to work, doing my assignments, taking a shower. Simplifying my life got me through it.

I learned to not suffer in silence, that it’s okay to speak up. People who feel suicidal do not actually want to commit suicide, they merely crave for connection, that someone would just stop and listen to them, cry with them, be present with them. And so many people did just that for me, from a colleague I barely knew to a mother figure who was always available when I needed her to friends to stuck by me through thick and thin.

I learned to ask for help is strength, not weakness. Telling another person that I wasn’t coping very well, whether it was on the situation as a whole, having a bad day or challenging moment. I draw strength from people around me when I feel like I don’t have the strength to carry myself, and honestly, it’s a blessing in itself.

I learned to listen to my body. My body is my internal guidance system; it’s sensitive, it’s responsive, and it always tells me what it needs. There is a continuous communication with what it asks for, whether it is for more rest, some fresh air, a type of food/fruit, even dancing and moving around. In fact, it has asked me to heal my womb from the trauma. It has guided me how to have chakra orgasms. It always tells me what it needs, and I always abide by its needs.

I learned to build my confidence from within, not based on another person’s view of myself. It’s not healthy. It’s toxic. It’s co-dependent. It’s not real. And it won’t last. Also, your mind will go on a frenzy for when you are not getting attention from that person which in turn puts unnecessary pressure on them and the relationship you have with them.

I learned to say ‘no’ when I can’t over-extend myself to something. If I don’t have the strength to do something, knowing your limits is extremely important. It does not make me a bad person. Being clear and honest with myself what I’m capable of giving to another person at any given moment, without feeling guilty for it..

I learned to know my boundaries, and to abide by them. I gained so much clarity on where to draw the lines. What I can tolerate, what I can accept, what is an absolute no for me. Expressing the boundaries has taken me some time and practice, but each time I do it, the easier it gets. And I also feel more respected and valued as a result of it.

Above all…

I got to know myself on a deeper level.

I know myself now, who I am, what I believe in. My confidence is built from within. I value and appreciate myself so much more. There is nothing or no one that can stop me from achieving my dreams.

In fact, I’ve defined and re-defined what those dreams are. I am living a life full of purpose and passion. I am building my Empire, to leave a Legacy behind me. I am dedicated and determined to design my dream life.

Absolutely nothing happens by coincidence.

Everything happens for a reason. If you want to turn your life around, you will have to start taking responsibility of your actions, of your thoughts, of your patterns, and beliefs.

It took me to wipe everything to rebuild my entire life, and for that I am grateful because I wouldn’t be here, writing this post, if it wasn’t for what I’d been through.

If you’re going through a rough time, please talk about it. Do not suffer in silence. Tell your parent, partner, friend, coworker, classmate, a stranger.. send me a message. Talk to anyone at all. The pain is halved when it’s shared.

Porn has ruined intimacy

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

The title is a bold statement to make, I know. What is life if I can’t ruffle some feathers every so often? Let me unravel what I mean by this..  

We live in a hook up culture.
Most of porn is hook up only. In fact, most of it is fake and a lot of the ‘actors’ and ‘actresses’ are drugged to even be able to do it. To quote my friend, who used to work at a sex shop, Renee Depew, “Straight porn is 96.8888% what people think sex is really like. ‘You got a hole and I got a pole, let’s see if it fits.’ But how much of that is an explicit one night hook up?”

We live in a fast-paced society where we get rewarded for instant gratification. Majorly, people don’t even want to invest the time of day for another person. So naturally, we think we need to just get it on with another human in order to feel loved and appreciated. We think the way to have sex is the way they have it in porn. A lot of people haven’t even received sex education. 

More than that, there is so much stigma about masturbation or even watching porn. People start to feel guilty as they do it. It’s that adrenaline rush, the high, that gets them off and afterward left thinking ‘what did I just do?’ If you cannot be intimate with yourself, how are you going to be able to be intimate with someone else? Learning what ticks you off, what feels good, where are your own pleasure points (and yes, they are everywhere around your body, not just genitals), how do you want to be pleased. None of this is shown in porn, however. A lot of it isn’t even taught to young kids.

I watch some porn on occasion, but it won’t get me to climax. It’s there for the initial stimulation till I allow my imagination to run wild. Hell, I even use it to manifest my desired reality — when you feel pleasurable the desire is that much more potent.

 

Lack of physical presence leads to non-intimacy.
Another thing that leads to non-intimacy is the communication. We have million apps to text each other, social media seems to run the world and double-tapping on a picture means you like one another. We text instead of go on actual dates, or even call one another. The physical touch is replaced by a device, a screen. So, creating any type of connection through double-taps, emojis, and words without actually spending quality time with the other person creates a form of fantasy land. This then leads to disappointments, and is probably partially why ghosting occurs. Everyday physical touch is a subject on its own, which I’ll write about later.

 

What porn has done is, it influences majorly on how we think we should perform when having sex. A lot of pressure is put on because we are supposed to be acting as if we’re the porn stars of our lives. I mean, isn’t that how Kim K become famous, through her sex tape?

 

Intimacy isn’t the same as SEX.
While they should go hand-in-hand, this often gets confused. Casual sex has no intimacy, and we live in a hook-up society where casualties do exist. I’m of the impression that many straight people think sex is penetration. If that is true, then how intimate can it really be?

Sex is way more than penetration.

Sex is masturbation.

Sex is kissing.

Sex is connection.

Sex is communication, conversations.

Sex is physical touch.

Sex is mental stimulation.

Sex is being orgasmic.

Sex is having orgasms in different parts of your body (yes, I’ve orgasmed on each of my chakra’s before without anyone even touching me).

 

And yet, none of these things are taught in schools, least of all in porn. Bet you weren’t even aware such a thing exists as having heartgasms? It won’t happen if your heart isn’t open, and many of us, have closed off our hearts due to some sort of trauma in the past. I was one of them; I’d closed off anyone to even get near me (physically and emotionally) after my own trauma, I trusted absolutely no one and it nearly killed me. And this is what keeps us in the loop of casual sex – we crave the connection yet we fear the heartache that may (or may not) ensue.

Watching porn is not a bad thing, you can learn a thing or two from it. However, it shouldn’t be the basis for your sexual encounters. If you have a hard time being intimate with yourself or a partner, look within yourself. What is causing you to shut off, what are you afraid of, what aspects of you need healing? If this happens with a partner, open the conversation with him. In fact, that is one definite way of becoming more intimate, through deep conversations. That certainly is one of my favorite things, the physical will follow organically from there.

 

Orgasmic bliss

In honor of Mental Health Month & Masturbation Month, May is dedicated to all things related to sexual health.

At the cusp of February-March this year, I experienced something quite unusual that actually started mid-February during my visit to see my best friend in the States. My solar plexus chakra started vibrating really hard, and I was freaking out because I didn’t know how to deal with it. My best friend feels energies even more intensely than I do, she even pointed out to me she can feel it. Luckily, she is also energy healer so I asked her to calm down the chakra before it explodes from within. No joke, that’s how it felt.

When I got back home, my other chakra’s started doing the same thing. Only now I stopped to really feel into it, what it was telling me. At the time, I was also working on healing my womb from lifetime of trauma, you can read more about it here, it started with sacral chakra. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, really feeling it… and orgasming into the sensation. There was no other option than for me surrender to it. It took over my entire body.

Things only started escalating from thereon. It kept me up at night, I could only sleep 3 or 4 hours for a few weeks. I was on a walk, and I’d feel both my heart and sacral chakra vibrating. I was at work when it happened on my solar plexus. No matter where I went, or what I did, the orgasms kept coming. All I could do, is to just surrender. Take a deep breath, and allow it to come through my body. If I’d ignore it or try and stop it, the sensations would come back multiplied. My body went through a shift. It was the most intense period of my life albeit loads of fun (despite lack of sleep or focus doing daily tasks).

That’s when I started exploring how my body likes to be touched, what it enjoys, what makes it feel pleasurable and adorned. I didn’t even necessarily need physical touch. I needed to just succumb to the sensations, let them guide me. My own intimacy started growing. I felt juicy af. It made me feel sensual. Vibrant. Alive. Feminine. Confident. Magnetic. I felt unstoppable, as if nothing or no one could rain on my parade.

Orgasms are meant to be joyous. They’re meant to give you life. Had I even known that we can manifest our desired reality by way of self-pleasing, this would have been an ideal time to do that.

See, a woman who owns her power, is regarded highly to a man. A lot of women suppress their sexuality out of fear. When you become orgasmic, you heal so many parts of yourself on a cellular level. In order to cultivate a healthy masturbation practice, understanding your own body first is key. Start by working on the negative blocks around sexuality — let go of the shame, guilt and fear around it. Yin yoga is also another great tool for opening the chakra’s as well as healing past relationship traumas.

Finally, you can start exploring where that shame came from by asking yourself some questions;

  • What attitudes around self-pleasure were you raised with?
  • Were you taught it was healthy and natural or that it was something to be ashamed of?

Beta Woman Attraction

Alpha men love women who are;

Soft spoken
Down-to-earth
A little shy
Introverted
A caring soul
Creative or Artistic
Highly Intelligent
Witty
Empathetic and Emotional
Easily approachable
Spiritual
Loyal

A beta woman is loved by everyone as she is shy, submissive and has sweet, down-to-earth personality. She doesn’t mind others taking the lead but she has the potential to do so herself. She goes out of her way to make others feel comfortable. She has this inner glow matched with outer beauty. She strives for balance and needs a partner to enhance and encourage her to bring out her light.

The beta woman magnetizes her desires effortlessly to her, it’s in her demure.

What are the traits of alpha male?
They take the lead, they’re confident and believe in themselves. They can handle themselves during a conflict without crumbling under pressure. They have certain amount of style and charisma, people often naturally navigate towards him. They’re mentally and physically strong. Part of their leadership and their success is taking measured risks. They know exactly what they’re doing, and get the job done. They’re strong in their masculine. Their energy is domineering; it’s in the way they talk, their body language, and even the space they take up in a room.

 

Alpha males love a beta woman because it compliments them. The divine masculine is fed by the divine feminine; it’s a balancing act.

Women who are too much in their masculine find it hard to trust the man. They focus on the negative, and thus complain a lot. I’ve written an entire post about feminine & masculine polarities.

 

There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who knows her power. She makes you step your game up.

— Ne-Yo

 

When a woman knows what she wants, and goes for what she desires, she’s empowering. A confident woman is intoxicating. Being in her presence is rejuvenating.

 

If you want to attract a strong leader into your life, you have to come from a space of being a feminine woman.

Ways to become more feminine,
She laughs and giggles more, especially in his presence. She finds it effortless being around him because it pleases her. Even just thinking about him, makes her feel more joyous. She lets him into her heart, she feels the pleasure within first. It’s easy for her to follow his leadership. She values and respects him, even to the way she talks about him when he’s not in the room.

Two of the most potent feminine superpowers are: trust and appreciation.

It’s easy for her to trust him, trust his leadership. She never questions why he does the things he does or why he does things in a certain order. She merely trusts that as long as it makes sense for him, she’ll follow him.

She appreciates him; his presence, his leadership, what he says/does to her. He adds value into her life, and to her, the divine masculine feeds into her divine feminine. Men’s primary job is to please a woman, and when she appreciates how he pleases her… she becomes irresistible to him.

 

Ride or Die

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters. Not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less… I’m free.”

―Dominic Toretto

Reasons why I love Fast & Furious…
• It’s not just about fast cars
• It’s not just a love story
• It’s a story of family

For the last few years, I’ve said that the greatest on-screen love story is Dom & Letty’s from Fast & Furious.

Here’s why:
No matter what they go through, they always find back to each other.
It’s not a perfect love story which makes it even more real.
She is his ride or die.


Why I Love Dom:

Dom is the alpha male; the one who gets everyone together to complete a mission

He is the leader of the pack; always protecting his own — if you ain’t with him, you against him

He is a fair man; if he thinks you add value in his crew, even after you’ve fucked up.. he’ll invite you back

He ain’t perfect, in fact he can be quite hot-headed and things don’t always go the way he seems them to but..

He always has a plan; even when he needs to adjust it accordingly

They respect and value him; even when they question what he’s doing, they still trust his leadership & follow through

It starts with the eyes. She’s gotta have those kind of eyes that can look right through the bullshit, to the good in someone. 20% angel, 80% devil. Down to earth. Ain’t afraid to get a little engine grease under her fingernails.

―Dominic Toretto

Dom is the definition of a leader, a soldier, a friend, a brother, a father, a husband… he doesn’t let just anyone into his inner circle. Once you’re in ― you’re in for life. And that’s not to be taken lightly or for granted. He is an amazing ally to have in life.